"Oh, I don't wonder babies always cry when they wake up in the night. So often I want to do it, too. Everything presses on my soul then and no cloud has a silver lining."
~Lucy Maud Montgomery, Emily's Quest
Attachment parenting tells us that it's okay to hold our children close, to be loving and nurturing, to treat them with respect and dignity. Most people will tolerate the attachment parenting model, or at least, discreetly roll their eyes when you glance away, BUT, hardly anyone will condone providing this level of care to your child during night time hours.
With methods like Cry It Out, we are being pushed to leave our children alone at night in an effort to foster independent, self soothers. And yet, according to anthropologist, James McKenna of Indiana's University of Notre Dame, humans are biologically designed to be dependent. He stipulates that the concept of independence gained through solitary sleep arrangements is unproven. "No study has ever determined if the ability to sleep alone through the night at an early age relates to the emergence of other skills or personality characteristics unavailable to children who sleep with their parents, as do children in many cultures around the world." (Today's Parent, August 1999)
Hmmm. So, if solitary sleeping isn't leading our babies to the promised land of independence and positive self image, then why are we doing it?
Well...we are tired. We want (and need) our sleep.
Yet, I feel so strongly that what my son needs at night is equally important. Throughout his whole little life I've been telling him, through my words and my actions that I love him, that I am here for him. And I must keep that promise, even when it is inconvenient and I am exhausted.
With methods like Cry It Out, we are being pushed to leave our children alone at night in an effort to foster independent, self soothers. And yet, according to anthropologist, James McKenna of Indiana's University of Notre Dame, humans are biologically designed to be dependent. He stipulates that the concept of independence gained through solitary sleep arrangements is unproven. "No study has ever determined if the ability to sleep alone through the night at an early age relates to the emergence of other skills or personality characteristics unavailable to children who sleep with their parents, as do children in many cultures around the world." (Today's Parent, August 1999)
Hmmm. So, if solitary sleeping isn't leading our babies to the promised land of independence and positive self image, then why are we doing it?
Well...we are tired. We want (and need) our sleep.
Yet, I feel so strongly that what my son needs at night is equally important. Throughout his whole little life I've been telling him, through my words and my actions that I love him, that I am here for him. And I must keep that promise, even when it is inconvenient and I am exhausted.
For many, many months, I've been asked the same question, "Is he sleeping in his crib yet?" And, as a co-sleeping family, I have shamefully, guiltily, replied,"No...not yet." But I am happy to announce that the shame and guilt no longer reside inside me.
Is it because he is finally sleeping in a crib you ask?
No. He is not. And I have finally accepted in my heart that it's okay!
He is sleeping in our bedroom on a little mattress beside our bed. And we love it! We really, truly love it! Sleeping close means we can comfort him right away until he falls back asleep. It means if my husband worked 12 hours that day and missed his son, he can snuggle with him all night. It means that the very first thing we see in the morning is a beautiful, angelic face smiling at us, ready to greet a new day.
And how could that ever be wrong?
Is it because he is finally sleeping in a crib you ask?
No. He is not. And I have finally accepted in my heart that it's okay!
He is sleeping in our bedroom on a little mattress beside our bed. And we love it! We really, truly love it! Sleeping close means we can comfort him right away until he falls back asleep. It means if my husband worked 12 hours that day and missed his son, he can snuggle with him all night. It means that the very first thing we see in the morning is a beautiful, angelic face smiling at us, ready to greet a new day.
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| Fynn napping in Grandpa's Hammock. Photo by Larry Kurtz (Grandpa) |
And how could that ever be wrong?
