"Within your heart, keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go."
~ Lousie Driscoll
Before I had my son, I really believed that I would be able to co-parent in perfect harmony with my husband. I believed that we would read each other's minds. That I would never have to ask for anything I needed because he would anticipate my needs and I would anticipate his.
I also believed that we could manage our little family independently and that I would never ever stoop so low as to ask for help from anyone. After all, it was our decision to start a family, so we should be capable of staying the course we had charted.Besides, wouldn't I be weak if I asked for help? Aren't millions of other mothers managing just fine on their own?
I held vigil to these little delusions for many, many months before I realized my colossal error. No one can (or should) go it alone. (Also...no man can read your mind :)
I can now admit, much to my dismay, I am a good mother *.
That little asterisk may be tiny...but BOY is it significant. What it means is, I am a good mother but I am not only a mother. I am a whole person with myriad needs, desires, goals, and dreams.
As mothers, we often give and give until we have nothing left, and that is not what our children want from us.
Yes we must sacrifice certain things for these tiny, dependent, vulnerable beings we have ushered into the world, but, we must also replenish our own little wells so that we can keep up with the demand. That little, secret spot in our hearts must be nourished from time to time.
As a creative individual, I need time and space to create. I don't just need a break to go wash my hair or read for 5 minutes, I need regular time to myself to bring forth my ambitions. I realize now that if I don't make that time, I'm not going to be the mother that I want to be.
I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to raise my children under my loving care until they are ready for their own adventures. I also want to honour the little soul inside me who yearns for a space of its own.
Can it be done? I think so. And luckily, so does my husband, my family, and my friends. I have recently done a crazy thing. I asked for help. And I got it.
Each week I've asked for a day to myself to do whatever I choose. Write for pleasure, write for pay, read, play the piano, work on my quilting endeavours...whatever I want! Selfish? I hope so. Someone has to start looking out for me!
Maybe you're not like me. Maybe you have an ever-abundant pool of tender care for your family, but I know my limitations, and if you know yours then I urge you to take some time for yourself. Even if you can only take an hour, I believe that all parents need to be protective of their own little flames and keep them burning!
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "There was never a child so lovely but his Mother was glad to see him asleep." And he's right! Having a baby is a bit comparable to being a prisoner in love with his jailer :) It's a strange feeling to want to be away just as much as you want to be near. But away we must...sometimes.
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