I recently listened to an incredible podcast on parenting in the digital age, featuring Susan Stiffleman and Alanis Morissette. In a one hour conversation, two intelligent, conscious parents explored some great ideas about how to navigate screen time in a household.
I feel that this is such an important topic, so I'd like to share a bit about what I learned and offer some of my own thoughts too!
Currently, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation is that children under 2 should be limited to 30-60minutes of screen time, and that children 2 and over should limit screen time to 2 hours per day. The lead author and committee member of the AAPs study on screen time, Dr. Brown, says, "technology moves faster than science can study it, so we are perpetually behind in our advice and our recommendations." (1)
This aspect of parenting is so new that there simply aren't any concrete answers out there. To me, that means parents have to really take this into their own hands, and hearts, and reflect on what they think is appropriate for their own children.
So first, let's explore the WHY.
Why Should we Limit Screen Time?
If we consciously choose appropriate, educational or creative options, limited screen time can be an important and even beneficial part of our well-roundedness as people living in a digital society. There are some amazing movies, shows, games, and documentaries out there!
But, countless studies confirm that too much screen time can be very detrimental to children's health. One neuroimaging study revealed that excessive (addictive) screen time physically damages gray matter, compromises white matter integrity, impairs cognitive functioning, and a lot of other scary stuff. (2)
What if your child isn't addicted? The same studies reports that even children with regular exposure demonstrate sensory overload, lack of restorative sleep, impulsiveness, and moodiness. (3)
Does any of that sound familiar in your household? I've certainly seen evidence of it in mine on occasion!
So, the next question is...
How can we Manage Screen Time?
1) The first thing we can do is get to know our child's unique temperament. This is important because there are NO one-size-fits-all approaches to parenting. You need to understand your own child, and then determine what will work for them (and you!).
Are you parenting an introvert or an extrovert? A Thinker or a Feeler? Temperament (or Personality) plays a huge and vital role in how we focus, perceive, make decisions,and live our lives.
(If you aren't sure what personality type you are raising, do a google search, take a few quizzes and you'll find an answer! Everything is easier when you start to understand your child's personality type).
2) Once you know who you're "working" with, apply your findings.
Observe your child watching t.v or playing video games. Do they start to become irritable after 20 or 30 minutes? Do their eyes glaze over after 1 hour? Does your introvert become unresponsive to your questions at a certain point? Or maybe they enjoy that solitude after a long day of school? Maybe your thrill seeking child actually becomes satiated for once!
Notice what works for your unique child and then set a reasonable limit. Be as consistent as possible so they know what to expect and can adapt easily.
Use a timer to help you and your child stay on target. We employed that technique when we noticed our son having a melt down every time we wanted him to stop playing Minecraft. Now we set a timer and give him a 5 minute warning. After that very simple fix, meltdowns just stopped happening!
3) Stick to age-appropriate choices. That's pretty self explanatory.
4) Watch TV with your Children.
I don't mean ALL the time, don't worry! But, it's amazing the kind of questions that my son will ask about what he's watching if I sit with him. That creates an important dialogue about things he may not have understood if I wasn't there. Using commentary and interjections during viewing also ensures that kids stay connected to the real-world by interrupting the passive aspect of watching TV.
5) Model the behaviour you want to see.
If you want your kids to limit their screen time, you need to limit yours too :)
If you want them to play more or use their imaginations, show them how by engaging in games and tom-foolery!
Show them all the things you can do without TV or computers. Read. Sing. Play an instrument. Sew. Bake. Cook. Do yoga. Clean. Play board games. Puzzles. Practise your cursive writing (maybe that's just me). Build a fort. Go outside. Listen to birds. Track a neighbourhood cat. The possibilities are as endless as your imagination.
In our house, we do Screen-Free-Saturday's. For the whole day, no one watches TV or goes on the computer. We play, we work and we spend as much time outside as possible!
I love watching my husband and son working meditatively on a puzzle at the kitchen table. It's the best. I kind of wish every day could be Saturday, but, also, I know there is value in certain aspects of media and also, I need some time to myself on occasion. Screens work really well at providing parents with a little break when there's no one else to step in and help. I don't really like that that's true. But, it is. For now.
Which brings me to the last point.
6) Be gentle with yourself.
You aren't perfect. And you have needs. And, you're doing the best that you can. When you make a mistake or have some new insight, move right along and tell yourself gently, the way is forward!
Carve out your space and take your well-earned breaks, and try not to feel guilty about it.
These aren't definitive answers. There aren't definitive answers. Just keep moving in the direction of goodness and things will work out.
(1) Pediatricians rethink screen time for children, The Wall Street Journal, October 2015
(2) Gray Matters: Too much screen time damages the brain, Psychology Today, February 2014
(3) Keeping an eye on screen time, Harvard Gazette, September 2015.
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